


Take A Chance on Me

by Cecelie_Bedilia1997



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-18
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2018-03-13 13:45:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3383828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cecelie_Bedilia1997/pseuds/Cecelie_Bedilia1997
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With the unofficial voyage of the starship Enterprise underway, all is well...except the captain of said ship is infatuated with a certain first officer. And James T. Kirk's policy of shoot first, ask questions later leads to some interesting situations.</p><p>My first fanfic, please be gentle. It will live up to its rating as the story goes on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Unexpected Invitation

**Author's Note:**

> Again this is my first fanfic. I tried to keep them as much in character as I could. I will also most likely revise each chapter and reupload as I wrote this 2 years ago. Tell me what you think!

Jim had thought long and hard about what Spock Prime had told him and showed him. He saw the touches on the bridge, the heart-wrenching worry when the other James T. Kirk was in sickbay after an away mission, the blinding jealousy whenever he would bed another alien princess, and then the totally unsubtle eyesex during boring shifts, conversations, and debates. With all of that to run rampant in Jim's oversexed mind, there were many a night spent using his own hand for pleasure, wishing it was the one person he couldn't have sleeping in the next room over. 

Of course, there was Lt. Uhura. Now, despite how much Jim may have wanted Spock for his own, he wouldn't ruin a seemingly happy relationship (sometimes it was just too damn hard to tell that they were even a thing!). His blooming feelings of attraction and hope had been dashed in the transporter room before him and Spock went aboard the Narada. They were openly lovely-dovely and Jim didn't need another demonstration. 

Since Jim didn't have the chance to be Spock's T'hy'la (he finally got it right), he would settle for less: Spock's best friend. That was Jim's goal, be the best friend Spock EVER had. It sounded easy enough when he was thinking about it during one of his slower shifts, but when it came down to actually confronting Spock, it was the mother of all the pain-in-the-ass challenges the universe had thrown at him so far. 

Whenever he would try to invite his Vulcan First Officer to do something with off-duty, he would always get the same response, "I believe that I have more pressing and productive matters to attend to than the extracurricular activity such as (fill in the blank), Captain. As do you." Which would of course would be accompanied with the traditional right eyebrow raise (Jim was starting to believe he had his own degree of eyebrow lift on Spock's face). Eventually, he got him to do meals with him but everything else was impossible. 

At first, he took the refusals easily and left it at that, but the number of times Jim had asked Spock and received an 'up yours' from his commander was starting to reach the triple digits. 

"286.3 to be exact sir."

Their shift had just ended and Jim had once again asked Spock to join him for a chess game after dinner but was turned down...again. This time, Spock was on the receiving end of Jim's attempt at "the eyebrow." It didn't work. 'Dammit, how can Bones and Spock do it so well?!' Now he was angry, but it didn't deter him from his course. 

".3 Spock?"

The Vulcan officer had now fully turned around and was facing Jim directly, "Yes Captain-"

"Call me Jim, Spock, we're off duty."

"I will not sir, for that would be improper and against regulations as stated in article-"

"Ah ta-ta-ta, let's just get back to your original story."  
Spock's jaw clenched and unclenched, but he continued, "You began your daily proposal, but were then distracted by a yeoman with a fuel report from Mr. Scott who had-"

"Anyway," Jim interrupted once again, "I would again like to offer to you a game of chess tonight after dinner."

Up went the eyebrow. "Sir, I do believe I have made my position clear as to my response to your constant questioning."

Jim had to grit his teeth together to keep from almost violently shaking his touch-sensitive first officer. However, he didn't stop the glare he sent to the emotionless man standing in front of him. "Mister Spock, we have been working together for six months and you have yet to give me the chance to get to know you!"

The eyebrow then came down and a small crease formed on his forehead, unnoticeable at first glance but Jim was really looking. He was furious and upset by how easily Spock kept brushing him off.

"And you know what, if you had given me a chance, you might've been surprised at what you found." There was no way that Jim didn't believe in having the parting blow, so he turned to leave but felt a warm, strong hand branding his arm. 

"Captain...Jim, I do not think that I have anything that needs my supervision at that time, is your offer still available?" 

Jim had yet to turn and look at Spock, but answered, "I'll see you in my quarters then, Mr. Spock, " and left. This was going to be an interesting night.


	2. Butterflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim's excited and immature.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short short chapter but I'll upload the next one later today.

Jim had been so excited about the game that he would've skipped dinner if Bones hadn't forced him and, of course, sitting next to the object of his excitement hadn't helped. During the meal, Jim was so focused on containing himself that he almost didn't notice that Spock was getting as close to shoveling his food down as a Vulcan can. Which was simply larger spoonfuls than normal and his wrist gained a speed 0.05x faster than normal. Not that Spock would comment if asked. After he had finished, he looked at Jim for the first time since the meal started, "At what time should I be in your quarters, Cap-"

"It's Jim."

Spock did an almost sigh, "At what time should I be in your quarters, Jim?" He rolled Jim's name off his tongue in such an illegal way that Jim had to repress a moan.

"19...19" Dammit, now he was stuttering, "1900 hours is fine." It was 1730 hours, that gave him an hour and a half to get his shit together...and it still wasn't enough.

Nodding, Spock stood up with the grace of a feline, put his tray away and calmly walked out of the mess hall (translation: threw the tray away and sprinted out the door).

All the while, Jim was watching him with an almost hungry look in his eyes. When Spock was out of sight, Jim started to get fidgety as he was put under the judging and almost bewildered gaze of the forgotten doctor. Slowly, as though not to disturb a slumbering lion, Jim started to stand as if to follow Spock when he was delivered a swift slap upside the head.

"I don't know what's made you and that hobgoblin so goddamn jittery Jim, but sit your ass down and eat your food!"

After nearly vacuuming up his tasteless dinner (Bones still had him on a diet), he bolted to his quarters, took a shower, cleaned them once, then again, and then was pacing the length of them waiting for 1900 to come.  
It was 1830 when the door chimed and Jim was brought out of his self-induced panic of thinking that Spock wouldn't come. Shaking his head, he went to answer his caller. It was Spock, Jim was so surprised that he stood in the doorway for a bit, just staring.

"Captain?"

"Hm?! Yes, Spock?" Jim was still a bit bewildered at why his impeccable Vulcan First Officer was early to a game of chess with him.

Spock took a moment and just blinked at the Captain, "I found that I had finished the required preparations for an experiment planned by the science department during my shift and...and decided to come here earlier than our previous agreement."

Jim could see right through the lie, but let it slide.

"Oh! Ok then, come right in." He stepped aside to let the stiff man into his quarters. He watched as Spock scanned over his room and then Jim himself.

"See anything you like?" Up went the eyebrow, Jim wanted to slap himself.

"Indeed Captain."

There was a long silence where they just stared at each other, not moving. Finally, Jim broke the perfect silence, "Well, um, why don't we start then?" His hands started shaking when he pulled out a chair for Spock.

'He's not a fucking maiden!' Jim mentally chastised himself.

"Thank you Captain."

"Call me Jim, Spock." He practically purred.

"Thank you...Jim." A small, almost unnoticeable, apple-green blush bloomed on Spock's cheeks.

"You're welcome Spock." His voice cracked, dammit why couldn't he get his emotions in check? "By the way, what was the real reason why you were so hasty in leaving the mess and so fast in getting here?"

If possible, his XO's already tense back went ram-rod straight so fast that Jim thought he was going to snap in half. Surprisingly though, he gave in without much force, "I was performing the proper activities of cleansing my physical and mental well-being as part of my daily schedule. However, I enacted this routine earlier and far more thoroughly than ever before. Most irregular and illogical."

By now, Spock seemed to be talking to himself more than to the gaping man sitting across from him.

Speaking of which, Jim was nearly ecstatic with joy, Spock was just as nervous/excited as he was! While Jim had thought he was overdoing it with the preparations, Spock was doing the exact same thing.

He shook himself out of his relief when he noticed that Spock was still rambling.

Right. Chess. Spock. Rawr.

Reaching out, Jim gently tapped him on the shoulder, "Spock, let's just focus on the game."

The Vulcan's speech came to an abrupt halt when he snapped his mouth shut and gave Jim a small nod.

There was the blush again, this time Jim noticed that it went all the way up to those sensitive, delectable pointed ears of his.

'I wonder what they feel like…' Jim's eyes widened as he realized where his thoughts were heading, straight for his c--the gutter. After giving himself a mental slap, he once again focused his attention on Spock.

"How 'bout we start?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you thought!


	3. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim apologizes to Spock...how will he react?

They spent the next three hours playing the most stimulating games of chess Jim had ever had. They hadn't even noticed how much time had passed. Plus, it seemed like Spock was enjoying himself as well. After four games, they began to converse easily about themselves. When Spock mentioned his childhood tormentors and, in a quiet voice, how his mother used to comfort him, Jim made a quick decision.

"You know Spock, I have something I've been wanting to tell you."

He could tell Spock was intrigued, "Yes Jim?"

Taking a deep breath in order to steady himself, Jim stared straight into Spock's eyes and put all of his sincerity into his next words, "I'm sorry."

The ice that had been present during the entire evening in Spock's eyes melted almost instantly, but he would not give in to an emotional response, "Jim, apologies are illogical-"

"Dammit Spock, I know they are, but I need to do this." Jim moved his chair so he was directly in front of Spock and held his gaze.

"I'm sorry I said those awful things about your mother on the bridge. I had to figure out a way to stop that bastard Nero, and you were so goddamn stubborn that it was all I could think of." His laugh was empty, bitter.

"You know, pushing people's buttons is the only way I know how to get a reaction from someone. I'm an asshole by nature." He scoffed and shook his head as if scolding a child. "The only other way I know is by charming my way into the bed of some nameless bystander." The muscle in Spock’s jaw twitched slightly at that, but otherwise made no other movement. Jim kept going, " When I saw Uhura follow you into the turbolift...shit, I couldn't stop the blind jealousy and guilt that racked my fucking mind. If the situation had been different, I would have followed you and nearly begged for forgiveness." He again laughed that hollow laugh that Spock was beginning to hate. Not that he could feel hate. Hate was in illogical emotion. But if he could hate, it would be that sound that should never leave Jim’s body. 

"I guess that's what I'm doing now, isn't it? Begging. I just want us to be--" A pause. No, a hesitation, "friends."

Jim just couldn't say T'hy'la, he had already given up hope on that. With pleading eyes and bated breath, he waited.

For a while, Spock said nothing, just stared at a spot on the wall just above Jim's shoulder. Then, he stood up, gave a polite, "Goodnight Captain."

And left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooo boy.  
> Next chapter will be from Spock's POV.


	4. Cold Shoulder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A misunderstanding, a cold shoulder, and a dire need for meditation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might be a little angsty. Not much though.

After that night, Jim just gave up trying to get Spock to acknowledge him outside of the bridge. He no longer waited for him by the turbolift when their shift ended. He stopped dragging him to dinner he obviously didn't want to go to. He also stopped offering invitations to do anything off-duty and just hung out with Bones. Those were easier to stop then his last habit, glancing longingly at his Vulcan first officer DURING their shift. It took two weeks to break, but it eventually came to a painful stop. 

~~Spock's POV  
The object of Jim's affection didn't know how to take the Captain's apology. He would have been perfectly fine just staying on a professional level with Jim, but those walls had been torn down. After he left the Captain's quarters that night, it had taken almost four hours of heavy meditation in order to get his emotions in check. Despite the fact that he was using all of the Vulcan control he was able, his tears went unnoticed as they flowed down his tense face. Jim's eyes, Spock couldn't stop thinking about them. The way he could see the truth, as though it burned in his chest. 

After he finally gained control over his human side, which wanted to sob, cry, and hold onto Jim and never let go, he was ready to face the Captain alone. However, the chance never came. Slowly, so slow he almost didn't see it, the Captain withdrew from Spock's life, staying with him only on the bridge and in away teams. 

It wasn't as though Jim was avoiding him directly, but he was keeping his distance. The weekly invites to chess after dinner stopped, and the welcoming smile whenever they were eating in the mess. Jim even stopped dragging him to the dinners that he secretly enjoyed. All of those things had silently crept into Spock's routine, he was, dare he say it, LONGING for them now that they were gone. 

Without realizing, Spock had gone straight for the mess hall right after his shift to meet the Captain for dinner. Upon entering, he scanned the room and found the Captain sitting and talking with Dr. McCoy. The doctor said something that caused the other to smile and laugh, a sound that filled the mess with a deep, almost musical ring. Instead of warming Spock’s Vulcan heart as it normally did, it only brought a sharp painful feeling, one his mother described as ‘dread.’

Spock could never make the Captain to laugh like that. 

With an almost noticeable frown, Spock grabbed his usual selection of nutritional supplements, and walked towards the two friends. When he reached their table, the Captain looked up, but went straight back to talking with the Georgian doctor, who ignored Spock as well. 

Never before had Spock felt unwelcome with the Captain, and he hadn't ever felt the need to ask permission to sit with him.

"May I be permitted to sit with you Captain?"

Without glancing in his direction, Kirk waved his hand at the chair next to him, "Yes of course Mr. Spock."

Now he knew that there was something indeed wrong with the Captain, because up until now, he had insisted that Spock call him 'Jim' when they were off duty. Spock felt a strange ache well up inside him in the vicinity where his heart lay in his side. 

After a few minutes, the Captain politely excused himself and left the table with McCoy trailing behind him shouting about dangerous away missions and always having to keep an eye on him. The last comment Spock heard was, "I'm not your goddamn babysitter!"

When they had left the mess, the dejected Vulcan took in his surroundings for what seemed like the first time. At almost every table, he saw couples happily holding hands, sitting close, showing nearly unnoticeable signs of affection towards each other. He also saw friends laughing, sitting in tight circles of gossip, or just talking casually.

Running through his previous interaction with the Captain, Spock realized that it was devoid of all of the little advances Jim sent his way, friendly and romantic alike, he was purely professional. 

Spock knew that he should be satisfied at the cessation of the constant nagging, but instead his heart clenched in his side at the thought of never having that feeling of acceptance ever again. Maybe, he WANTED the Captain to keep trying to get into his heart and mind...or had he already succeeded?

Catching up with his train of thought, Spock was very nearly horrified at how illogically emotional he was behaving! To quote Dr. McCoy, "Good God man!"

Straightening his back into its traditional ram-rod position, and clearing his face of the look of longing he had unconsciously slipped into, Spock felt ashamed. 

"I am in need of meditation."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last chapter for a little while. I'll be updating within the next few days with chapter 5 though.


	5. Doctor's Remedies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim pays a much needed visit to his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of the hardest chapters to write, so there may be a little OOCness from all three of them.

Bones POV

When Jim came to him practically sobbing, he knew it had something to do with that damn pointy-earred Vulcan. It took three glasses of his finest bourbon to loosen the story from the man. 

“I just apologized to Spock and he just left without saying anything!” Jim was almost hysterical with grief and confusion. 

Bones’ expression was one of parental scorn and exasperation, “Goddamn it Jim! I know you were reckless, but did you really have to do something like that? It hasn’t even been a year yet!” 

The vulnerable starship captain flinched at his friend’s tone, “I thought it would clear the air between us!”

There was something else that Jim wasn’t telling him, but he was already pushing it. He rubbed his temples and let out a sigh, he was getting too old for this.

“Jim, why?”

His distraught friend looked away and said nothing. Even though he knew he had lost, Bones stood up, yanked Jim from his seat and gripped his shoulders. Despite the demanding hold, Jim didn’t look up at the searching eyes of his best friend. The notorious space captain slouching in his arms, Mr. Jim “I don’t believe in no win scenarios” Kirk, was losing to an emotionless Vulcan and there was nothing he could do to help. 

“Jim. Jim, look at me.”

He still stared down at the floor.

“James.” Bones was done playing.

Jim’s head snapped up as Bones pulled him into an awkward hug. Still in shock, the emotionally defeated captain wrapped his arms around the tense doctor and soaked in the comfort his friend’s arms could offer. Seeing this unusual display of desperation for affection, the Georgian doctor grit his teeth and cursed under his breath. 

“Don’t let this rejection business with Spock keep you from being the greatest goddamn captain in Starfleet.” Even while saying what could be the most heartfelt thing Jim has ever heard him say, Bones still had a scowl on his face. He wasn’t used to showing affection dammit!

But before Jim could reply, the door slid open and the very Vulcan they were talking about walked in on their little display of affection. 

“Speak of the devil.” Needless to say, Bones was not impressed with the unannounced interruption. 

Despite the surprise and small amount of jealous anger Spock would never admit he felt, his face remained stoic and impassive. When Jim finally turned around and spotted him, he immediately dropped his arms, but Bones only tightened his hold on Jim.  
“Doctor,” Spock put a slight strain on Bones’ title as he pointedly glared at the arms that still held onto Jim’s waist. Nodding to Jim, his gaze softened, “Captain, I must speak with you.”

Before Jim could speak, Bones answered for him, “Yes Mr. Spock, what is it.” Jim was beginning to fidget under Spock’s neutral stare.

Spock’s shoulders stiffened and his eyes narrowed slightly, and Bones thought he looked about to snap in half. “I was going to ask that the captain be available for a mission briefing at 1000 hours in conference room A.”

McCoy’s brow furrowed, “Mission briefing? Wha-“

“You were not informed of this as it is classified.” McCoy looked as though he was about to object but Spock interrupted. 

“Now,” Spock uncharacteristically extended one of his arm’s toward Jim’s empty one, but didn’t touch him. Bones glared at the arm as though it was going to burst into flames somehow, but he loosened his grip around Jim nonetheless.

Before he could follow Spock though, Bones had an idea, it was crazy, but it might just work. Grabbing his forearm, Bones leaned in to Jim’s ear, “I’ll talk to you later, James.” Jim’s eyes were wide with shock and Spock’s jawed tightened minutely with what Bones deduced as jealousy. 

To avoid further angering the Vulcan and risking another Nero incident (there was no Sarek to be the voice of logic in Bones’ little office), Bones let go of Jim and stood there staring down the Vulcan. 

After a moment of tense silence hung in the room before Spock spoke again, this time to Jim, “Let us go to the conference room, Captain.”

Bones once again interrupted before Jim could reply, “Alright, but I want him back as soon as it’s over. Do you understand?”

The Vulcan stiffened even further as the possessive tone in the doctor’s voice, “He shall return when I permit him to.”

During the duration of the conversation (about him), Jim was leaning on his doctor friend in a trance but seemed to snap out of it at Spock’s words. “Excuse me? When you permit me?” A look of disbelief was etched onto Jim’s face. 

Spock looked mildly surprised, “Of course, Captain.” He then continued to stare at the baffled, agape faces of Jim and the doctor. Taking advantage of the situation, Spock grabbed Jim’s bicep and pulled him out of the room just as Bones regained enough sense to spit out, “You pointy-earred bastard…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last chapter for a few days while I write the next update. I had chapters 1-5 all prewritten and now I have to write the rest and update them as I go. 
> 
> Tell me what you think!


	6. The Conference Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A confrontation between two blind officers who only want to be seen and a discovery made too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers, yes I know I've been on hiatus too long but here is a short chapter while I work on the remaining four. I hate to leave things unfinished. Please keep in mind that I am my own beta (not that I wouldn't welcome someone who would like to beta), so there will be mistakes and sections that could be written better. I welcome constructive criticism. Please enjoy!

By the time they reached the conference room, Jim was a seething mess and was pointedly glaring at the brand Spock was burning into his bicep with his hand, not even looking where they were going. After weeks of ignoring Jim, not giving his the time of day and blatantly telling him off, Jim tries the same game and now Spock wants to talk to him. The whole situation was confusing and too human for the both of them, but here they were, nearly running to an empty conference room because neither of them could handle these vulnerable emotions. And Jim wasn’t happy or used to not being in the know or this helpless. He was supposed to be the seducer, not the seduced with only his captor to look to. 

When they reached the door, Spock not-so-gently threw Jim inside and locked the door, “Computer, lock room code 47-2.8” 

As the door chimed at the command, captain and commander stared at each other, Jim’s breathing labored from Spock’s pace. Realizing that he was going to be the first to speak despite Spock’s excuse of needing to speak with him, Jim composed himself as much as he could and asked, 

“What was it you wanted to talk with me about Mr. Spock?” That’s right, upmost professionalism. 

For a moment, the Vulcan just stood there, seemingly thinking, yet Jim noticed a twitch in his jaw, Spock was holding something back. “Captain?”

“You pulled me from an important conversation with Bones,” The muscle in Spock’s jaw clenched at the mention of the Chief Medical Officer. “So what was it you needed?”

What felt like hours passed where Spock didn't speak, much less move. The Vulcan was trying Jim’s patience. Even though Jim prided himself with an ironclad resolve, Spock was one of the few that could break it simply by not doing anything. The captain took a step toward his commander, he wasn’t about to let his pull the stubborn and silent gig after dragging him so abruptly from the comfort of his friend. He continued stepping closer until he was toe-to-toe with the Vulcan. He was going to prove his point, damnit!

At the movement, he seemed to jerk back into reality, looking at Jim as though he didn’t realize he was standing mere inches from his face. Not that Jim would admit it out loud, but he loved surprising Spock. It gave him a rush when he made the Vulcan shown emotion, even if it was no more than an involuntary twitch or slight widening of his expressive eyes. He want ed everything from someone who consistently gave him nothing. 

“Captain, I fail to see your reasoning behind standing so close to my person. Do you wish for me to comfort you as the doctor did?”

Now it was Jim’s turn to be caught off guard. His mind screamed ‘Yes!’ and a part of him hoped Spock would hear it and embrace him like those old 20th century films he’s secretly stashed away, but the hurt side, the angry side, bitter in his years alone, won over when the Vulcan didn’t move or change his expression from one of exasperated annoyance. 

For Spock, he could feel Jim’s excitement and joy, evident by his increase in heart-rate, breathing, and the dilating of his pupils, but his verbal response was completely different.

“No, I only need Bones for that, thank you.”

Spock’s back went rigid, looking at though he was about to snap in half and his expression became even more guarded, if that were possible. Through clenched teeth he responded, “I see. Then perhaps you should ask the good doctor to join you for chess instead of constantly disturbing me after every shift.” 

He knew it was unfair and hurtful but the thought of Jim with the brash CMO who could emotionally satisfy Jim the way Spock couldn’t made his blood boil. 

The captain flinched at Spock’s words, the realization that his fears were true cutting through right through him. It would have had the same effect if Spock slapped him across the face. His chest was tight and his eyes burned with unshed tears. He quickly turned away to hide his reaction from his commander. ‘Keep your head up, you knew this would happen.’ He had to be strong, if not for himself, then for his crew. This couldn’t compromise the mission or his beloved Enterprise. 

Jim squared his shoulders and turned back to his first officer, the one he depended on the most as a captain, and as his friend. He had to be careful despite the pain in his heart, what he said now would dictate what their relationship would be like from then on.

“I will endeavor to do so from this point forward, Mr. Spock. I thought that as a captain and first officer, good rapport was needed both on and off the bridge, I see now that I was wrong. I will no longer disturb you with my attempts at friendship. Thank you for bringing my deficiencies to my attention.”

As Jim’s speech went on, Spock could feel Jim’s wavering emotions, hope, anger, sadness, and at its peak, resignation. But why? Resignation was not something Spock thought Jim felt. His policy was ‘I don’t believe in no-win scenarios.’ not to give up without a fight. He became overwhelmed with the strength of the emotion that his captain seemed drenched in, but just as it washed over him, it was gone just as fast. Jim’s mind slowly faded from his, a cold wall in its place. It felt as though a part of his being was being sucked out, leaving a hollow, cold space in the absence of Jim’s ever present, warm emotions. Spock began to feel something strange grow in its place, panic. 

As Jim finished, he finally looked at Spock, searching for something, anything, but his First remained unmoving. Brushing past the Vulcan, he punched in his code to unlock the door and left the conference room without another word. 

When the door shut, Spock doubled over, his eyes wide and his hands shaking. On the outside, it looked like Spock was bent at the waist with an almost unnoticeable tumor in his hand but on the inside, he was experiencing a full blown panic attack. He came to a sickening realization as he combed through his mind, looking for the source of his panic. As if opening a door, Spock looked at his bonds, the frail bond with T’Pring, his sturdy parental bond with his father, and the broken bond with his mother. However, when he looked, there were two broken bonds, one he had never seen before. As he mentally touched it, pain coursed through his mind and body as if being shot. There was an unmistakable mark upon the broken bond, Jim. He and Jim were weakly bonded and he had no idea. 

One of the most sacred aspects of his culture, shared between Spock and his captain, and now, he was alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The breaking of bonds always hurts my heart, whether I'm reading or writing. Never fear, they will rekindle...in a few chapters. Love the feedback!


	7. Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Jim recovers from the blow to his heart, along with a mild headache, Spock is left reeling from his discovery of the now severed bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was SO much traffic after I uploaded the 6th chapter so I couldn't just leave it to simmer. Here's Chapter 7, from Spock's perspective and Chapter 8 will be from Jim's perspective.

Spock had once heard the expression of having a 'reeling' mind from his mother. She and his father were reading the news from Earth in the kitchen when they came across an article about the extensive list of animals that were going extinct for various reasons. 

"That sends my mind reeling, Sarek. Are you able to calculate how long before 90% of the animal kingdom is extinct?" She turned to his father who had focused look on his face (impassive but with a slight crease between his pointed eyebrows). 

"At this rate, 23.57 Earth years unless action is taken to slow its progress." One elegant eyebrow arched at his wife's language, "But I do not believe there is any cause for dramatics. I will send word to my acquaintances on Earth for a recovery project to be put into place." 

Spock couldn't see his mother but by the change of expression on his father's face, the relaxation of the arch and crease, and the release of the tension in his outer facial muscles, he knew his mother was smiling. 

"Thank you, dear." Amanda gently kissed him, breaking the faux pas of their marriage in doing so outside the bedroom. However, being that they were alone, Sarek allowed this and graced her with one of his almost smiles, the one that was specifically for her. 

The moment was soon over and Sarek continued to read while Amanda went to go start on dinner. Spock, with as must grace as he could muster (which wasn't much considering he was only 3), walked into the kitchen and right up to his mother. 

"Ko-mekh, what is a 'reeling mind'"? His tiny face bore childlike frustration at the human term.

Sarek simply glanced over the tablet before continuing to read, the knowledge would only help him as the ambassador's son. 

After a glance at her husband, Amanda knelt down beside Spock, who had yet to enter a growth spurt like his full-blood counterparts. "K'diwa, a 'reeling mind' is when humans are unable to grasp what has been told to them and their thoughts float around in their head, with no logic or reason. As though they're spinning in circles." 

Her son's eyebrows scrunched together as he tried to understand such an illogical concept. When he was silent for an unusual amount of time, Sarek looked up from the tablet, "Spock, clear your face." 

That seemed to shake him out of his concentration. The young Vulcan quickly cleared his face of any emotion. "Of course, Sa-mekh." And walked carefully back to his room, his parents watching him with kind eyes.   
____________________________  
The memory was sudden and illogical, but it was fitting. Spock was unable to understand how or why the captain had a bond with him, or why it was broken. There were so many questions that he didn't have answers to, and without anyone to ask. Ambassador Spock was gone, his memories and knowledge gone with him. The loss was like an ache in his heart, twisting like a thorn. 

Now he had a bigger problem to deal with than just an aching heart. With the bond broken, it was only a matter of time before they both felt the affects of the loss. Without a healer on board, they would soon lose the ability to function and that was dangerous, perhaps even fatal. As they had never consummated the bond, Spock was unsure if it would be treated the same as any other non-familial bond. However, he began to feel the dull pulse of a headache emanating from the snapped tendrils of the bond. He had to find the captain. 

He was making his way to the med-bay, where he assumed the captain was receiving 'comfort' from Dr. McCoy. The thought caused the headache to flare, almost making Spock flinch. This was getting serious. In 20.6 minutes, the broken bond was having an affect on him and even with his controls, the pain and disorientation, it was slipping. he could imagine what the captain...Jim, was experiencing. Even when his bond with T'Pring stretched and weakened due to distance and the lack of sentiment between them, he only experienced a mild headache, nothing to this degree. The strength of this bond was startling, being that they had never melded, and that Jim was a human. He would get to the bottom of this, whether Jim cooperated or not. 

The med-bay doors opened without the normal noises of the ship's door, being that med-bay needed silence for any patients that resided. Fortunately, the whole bay was empty, being that their recent missions have been peaceful and diplomatic. It was also unusually silent. Nurse Chapel was away and the doctor's rough, Georgian voice could not be heard. Focusing his superior hearing, muffled voices bled through the CMO's door at the end of the bay. 

Standing away from the sensor so he could listen without altering them of his presence. What he heard inside only had his head pulse harder. 

"Bones...I can't do it anymore. What he said hurt. How are we supposed to be a team when we don't even know each other?"

"Jim, you're a captain, and he's your commander. Despite what's happened, he will remain a reliable officer. That Vulcan training of his won't allow anything otherwise." Spock heard fabric rustling and Jim's sigh was more muffled, indicating that the doctor had pulled Jim in for an embrace. 

"Just know that I'm here, Jim. You're stuck with me."

"I love ya Bones, I don't know what I would do without you."

Spock flinched as if he'd been struck. The words spun around in his head, pain flaring up around his temple, making his meld points burn. He quickly turned away from the door and stalked out, not realizing that his movement triggered the door and the two officers turned at the sound only to see the backside of the Vulcan disappear out the bay door. 

Jim shook his head, leaning toward his friend in an uncharacteristic show of weakness. 

"Bones, my head is killing me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, I know. Bit of an OOC Spock but a broken bond is devastating and they just can't seem to reconcile. Next chapter is Jim and how he deals with the effects of the broken bond and the influence of his doctor friend.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for such a short chapter. I will upload the second one soon. Tell me what you think!


End file.
